When I was a kid , I would make it a point to pose my hands in a way in which it would influence my dream state....
(What I mean is)....that If I wanted to be a boxer in my dreams I would sleep with my fists clenched....if I wanted to be a soldier I would pose my hands as If I was carrying a gun.
It worked most of the time, I would be a boxer in my dreams and control them...I have always been able to control my dreams.
There was a time in my life, when all the friends disappeared and I just did not relate to anyone that I was around.
I needed change and fought so hard with myself in order to stay the same.
I had no one, at this time my mom and Stepdad would take my brother and go to Mexico for months at a time.
I was left alone to fend for myself.
I was in my late teens and ready to go.
I Started working for Thrifty the one off of Whittier Blvd (Next to the Commerce Movie Theatre) as an Ice Cream scooper and was making pretty good money by just working overtime on the weekends.
My hands got so beat up from the ice cream scooping and cold , because there was so much traffic, I did not really have a chance to take breaks or defrost the Ice Cream.
But it felt good to earn that dollar, go home at the end of my weekend and sleep.
Nice and tired , no one to bother me and no one to call me the devil (see evilchavo labeled post)
I would take the bus to work and back and during the week I would just sleep.
I was no longer drinking or partying so had alot of time to write and draw, Friends came around once in a while but always left cause I was just not fully there.
I would go Skating at night, down the hills of City Terrace....no one around....was awesome.
I ate what I bought on the way home and made for myself.
My StepGrandma would come around Twice a month and buy me a case of little juices,....the once that used to cost a .25 cents...the fruit punch or orange ones....and she would bring me a brick of cheese that her daughter would get for her and then she would leave.
I would just sleep all day and in dreams find peace and understanding.
My dreams would show me the way (Sounds weird to me now)
I would go to sleep....after watching tv or skating or drawing or writting or reading all night and .....when I would wake up I would write down my dreams...
Then I would go back to sleep....I would sleep for so many hours............wake up and read my dreams to see if I could understand them....
I finally just got rid of my dream book by burning it in a trash can because I was just wasting so much of my time in fantasy land.
I think I was depressed, but no one was around to be sad to....
I Learned alot those two years from my dreams, I learned that the only way to make them reality is to go out and make them happen......
I Learned that I was no longer a kid and needed to work for a living, I learned that whatever I wanted I had to get for myself.
I started forcing myself to go out , sometimes I would walk to Cal State to get the LA Weekly, sometimes I would just walk to Calvary, or to the City Terrace Library to read.
I Started going to the dollar Movie Theatre in Monterey park(No longer there) to kill time and to keep myself from staying at home and sleeping.
I Started going to Computer school and made a different set of friends, different enviroment....different Evilchavo.
I just needed to change and the timing was right so I did it.